What Are Some Ways We Can Love Our Immigrant Parents Without Sacrificing Ourselves

In my previous post, I wrote about how we constantly feel like we might feel obligated to violate our own boundaries, sacrifice our autonomy, receive abuse, criticism and unsolicited advice from our immigrant parents because deep down, we feel bad that they had to suffer so much for our own well being.

I wanted to offer other ways we can love our parents, besides being dutiful towards them:

1) open communication about your own values and expectations- “I love you and I can’t do XYZ right now, but here is what I can do”

2) offering quality time instead of financial support

3) encouraging parents independence- teaching parents tech skills or financial management skills, instead of doing things for them automatically

4) redefine your own definition of success- parents success can also be honored through a child’s joy, not necessarily through fulfilling parents expectations

5) setting boundaries with parents- offering compromises or alternatives when you can’t fulfill their exact request

6) modeling emotional expression- sharing about your feelings and practicing vulnerability when it’s appropriate that introduces a new language or way of connecting

7) encouraging mutual differences and recognition of generational shifts in values- “I know things were different for you growing up and I want you to understand that mental health is important to me. Here’s why”

8) advocating for egalitarianism within the parent child relationship- “I see you as a person with your own needs and preferences. I hope you see mine too. Let’s try to support each other as best as we can”

9) encouraging parents to prioritize their own needs- “you’ve done so much for me, I want you to focus on what brings you joy outside of helping me”

What are some of the things that you are eager to implement? What are some of the things that you perceive to have difficulty implementing and why? Comment below or email me your answers!