Differing backgrounds/upbringings:

• growing up poor versus rich

• growing up with full time caregivers versus physically neglected

• growing up with parents with higher education degrees versus working class parents with little to no education

• growing up with a caregiver with addictions/mood disorders versus emotionally stable caregivers

• growing up with a transient environment, a lot of moves versus growing up in one house your whole childhood

• growing up and being raised by grandparents versus parents

• growing up with black and brown/white/latinx caregivers versus asian immigrant caregivers

• growing up where you frequently resolved conflict quickly versus avoiding conflict. Differing approaches to finances

• one person has a more open approach to spending, one person has a more conservative approach to spending.

• one person grew up with expectation of sharing financial resources with parents and siblings, one person grew up with the expectation that resources will only be spent on one’s own family.

• one person wants to pursue more financial investments with opening a new business, doing a remodel, or purchasing a new home/asset, but the other parent has concerns and wants to move slower or doesn’t feel safe to express their concerns.

• individuals might have run into an inheritance and both want to discuss what to do with the new resources, but have differences or haven’t been able to discuss it due to reactiveness or triggers.

Differing approaches to parenting

• One parent wants to encourage the child to develop “thick skin” by recreating more “real world” scenarios in the house that emphasizes straight forward and direct communication. The other parent wants to encourage the child to “complete their emotional cycle”, to emphasize emotional awareness and sensitivity to themselves and others. Both parents want the child to be set up for success but have drastically different approaches.

• one parent grew up eating processed foods and one person grew up eating “crunchy” organic food. Both individuals have different relationships with food and parenting ideas around food

• you have neurodivergent children or are neurodivergent yourself and have differing ways that you approach parenting your potentially neurodivergent children

• one parent wants to homeschool and the other parent doesn’t

• one parent wants to seek additional support for their children, perhaps a diagnosis with an evaluator, medication, but the other parent is more hesitant and less trusting towards institutions

• you have a child/children that are exploring their queerness. each parent is worried about the pacing and allowances that the other parent is making. Each parent is worried that the other parent might be not doing or doing something that might be harmful towards the child’s exploration.

• each parent might be worried about the other parent’s approach to screen time

• one parent might be worried about the other parent’s approach to boundaries with the children. each parent might be worried about being stuck in the “bad cop” or “good cop” relationship with their child/children.

Differing approaches to communication

• one person identifies as being more empathetic or sensitive, one person identifies with being more logical

• one wants to discuss conflicts openly, one wants to delay/avoid

• Each person wants more check ins, more quality time together but both worried about reactivity in each partner, triggers resulting in shut downs, avoidance, hiding, accusations, criticisms, blaming

• individuals worry about patterns in communication that are unknowingly happening without any awareness and whenever shadow communication patterns are brought up, there is a lot of defensiveness, deflection, and tables are turned towards the other person.

• individuals that would rather not make plans for the future and value spontaneity, organic events and making spur of the moment memories. individuals who are planners and like more organization, structures and predictability. These dyads are stuck with their individual patterns and don’t know how to move forward with scheduling and negotiating how plans are negotiated.

Differing approaches to relationships/sexuality/racial identities

• one person wants to incorporate more of a polyamorous structure, one person want to remain monogamous

• exploring changing identities in the context of the relationship: one person (or both) “come out” as queer, bisexual, pan, ace, non binary, trans during relationship and navigating new norms and expectations

• exploring household chore distribution, fairness relating to childcare, etc

• partners wanting to discuss the impact of a partner’s unprocessed whiteness and how it shows up in a relationship

• partners having difficulty understanding impact of sexual abuse on current relationship with sex

Differences in work/family expectations

• exploring changing roles at work and increased demands on workload outside and inside family

• partners feeling excluded with other partner’s family of origin, specifically around language exclusion and cultural differences

• difficult communication with extended family members

• partners concern with continued enmeshment with other partner’s parents and caregivers

• working with different expectations around senior care with parents of partners and caring for them in their old age.