Healing Relationships

Differing backgrounds/upbringings:

• growing up poor versus rich

• growing up with full time caregivers versus physically neglected

• growing up with parents with higher education degrees versus working class parents with little to no education

• growing up with a caregiver with addictions/mood disorders versus emotionally stable caregivers

• growing up with a transient environment, a lot of moves versus growing up in one house your whole childhood

• growing up and being raised by grandparents versus parents

• growing up with black and brown/white/latinx caregivers versus asian immigrant caregivers

• growing up where you frequently resolved conflict quickly versus avoiding conflict.

  Differing approaches to finances

• one person has a more open approach to spending, one person has a more conservative approach to spending.

• one person grew up with expectation of sharing financial resources with parents and siblings, one person grew up with the expectation that resources will only be spent on one’s own family.

Differing approaches to parenting

• one person has more of a traditional/”main stream” approach to parenting and another has a less tradition more “alternative” approach

• one person grew up eating processed foods and one person grew up eating “crunchy” organic food. Both individuals have different relationships with food and parenting ideas around food

Differing approaches to communication

• one person identifies as being more empathetic or sensitive, one person identifies with being more logical

• one wants to discuss conflicts openly, one wants to delay/avoid

Differing approaches to relationships/sexuality/racial identities

• one person wants to incorporate more of a polyamorous structure, one person want to remain monogamous

• exploring changing identities in the context of the relationship: one person (or both) “come out” as queer, bisexual, pan, ace, non binary, trans during relationship and navigating new norms and expectations

• exploring household chore distribution, fairness relating to childcare, etc

• partners wanting to discuss the impact of a partner’s unprocessed whiteness and how it shows up in a relationship

• partners having difficulty understanding impact of sexual abuse on current relationship with sex

Differences in work/family expectations

• exploring changing roles at work and increased demands on workload outside and inside family

• partners feeling excluded with other partner’s family of origin, specifically around language exclusion and cultural differences

• difficult communication with extended family members

• partners concern with continued enmeshment with other partner’s parents and caregivers

• working with different expectations around senior care with parents of partners and caring for them in their old age.