Growing up in a chaotic household
What does it mean to grow up in a chaotic household?
1) inconsistent boundaries- rules and expectations are either non existent or changing.
2) regular fighting- arguments, bickering, yelling or relationship tensions were the norm
3) unpredictability- schedules, moods, living conditions changing all the time
4) emotional or physical neglect- no one addressing feelings or mental wellness
5) stressors- financial, addiction, mental health struggles were probably in abundance
6) physical disorganization- clutter or hoarding tendencies
7) lack of emotional regulation- family members struggling to manage emotions leading to explosions or outbursts
Did you grow up in a chaotic household? Maybe you feel like you had all your needs met. you were well clothed, educated, had food on the table and tons of extracurriculars. A lot of adult children of immigrants may not be aware that just because they had all of their physical needs extravagantly met, doesn't mean that there isn't a long lasting impact of not having their emotional needs met.
A part of healing and growing through childhood wounds means to acknowledge that we didn't have a perfect childhood.
For a long time, I thought I had a pretty idyllic childhood. I really thought I had a close relationship with my mother and I thought our family was as good as it gets. I had massive educational opportunities, I had a roof over my head and food on the table. What else could I ask for?
I didn't realize that I could be immensely thankful for my parent's attempts to create a great childhood for me and appreciate their sacrifices AND also acknowledge that I didn't get what I needed emotionally. In fact, I was unintentionally harmed by not getting my emotional needs met from my parents.
All of the above could be true. All at once.
What two seemingly opposing truths can be true for your family of origin? Did you grow up in a chaotic family too? what were some of the impacts of that for you?
Book a free consult call with me if you want to start working on the impact of growing up in a chaotic family: https://calendly.com/hello-6496/discovery-call-coaching
Take care,
Angela Tam